AR - Peer Editing
Please review my report.
Topic Proposal
I chose field hockey and some of the primary factors in your life that can impact your play for my topic proposal. This is important because many collegiate field hockey players have a lot of stress, sleep variations, and specific diets they go by. I always wanted to do a research study on other field hockey players and how these factors affect them. My first research question is, how does stress from school play a factor on how you play? Second, how does sleep impact how you play? Lastly, how does your diet impact how you play? I will be providing a survey with detailed questions to find out the affects of your average day having an impact on your play.
My overall impression of your report was that it was good, but some suggestions. You used quotes from your sources to compare the academic and non-academic writings. Your report focused on language and audience, which you stuck to throughout the report comparing academic and non-academic. Also, the structure of your paper made sense because you discussed academic, then non-academic, then you compared the two with each other. I believe you helped the audience understand what genres are in used in your field, which is the purpose of this report.
ReplyDeleteThe three suggestions I have would be topic sentences, transitions, and conclusion sentences to give the report a better flow. First, I would have a main topic sentence at the beginning of every paragraph to let the audience know what each paragraph is going to be about. In one of your paragraphs, you started out with a quote, but I would add a topic sentence and have that quote explain that topic sentence. This will allow the reader to understand and follow the report better.
Next, transitions between paragraph and in paragraphs will also help the flow of the report. For example, moving from audience to language in both academic and non-academic, the ending sentence should conclude the paragraph but also transition into the next paragraph introducing it into the topic sentence. This could be a comparison or it could explain how they are connected. Transitions in the paper will not make it sound choppy. In your paper when you listed some examples of academic and non-academic, I would start off saying "For example," and then list the examples for each.
Last, conclusion sentences at the end of paragraphs but also at the end of the report. The last sentence of the report should summarize the entire report in one sentence. For example you could say "In conclusion.... Conclusion sentences within the paper at the end of each paragraph should summarize that one paragraph with a small transition to the next paragraph. Topic sentences, transitions, and conclusion sentence are the suggestions I have for your paper and I wrote comments on your actual draft copy.
My overall impression of your paper was good. I think that you should have more then one topic in your paper you focused a lot of your information just on audience, maybe add the language pr structure of how the writings would look or sound like. I liked how you compared both non academic papers and academic then at the end you put compared them together.
ReplyDeleteI think to make your paper stronger you should add a conclusion paragraph at the end of your paper. Sum up your main points and tell us what the paper was ultimately about in just a couple of sentences. Focus on the flow of your paper too you don't want to jump around from topic to topic make sure each paragraph has a transition sentence.
Add transition sentences so that we know what the next paragraph is going to be talking about. They are important to the structure of your paper. They make it flow better. Like I earlier talk about more things in the radiation sciences field not just the audience. Tell us about how they write things that we would not know so we learn from your paper. Think about your paper as if your writing to someone that is interested in that field. I also wrote comments on your paper if you want that.